I promised you this post, and here it is! If you’ve dealt or are dealing with toxic people, this one is for you. Welcome to the first instalment of Girl Talk, I’m going to be giving you an honest and no BS account of why I’m not letting toxic people in my life anymore. Grab a snack, some tea and get cosy, because it’s gonna be a long one. Mammoth in fact – lucky you.
How many of you reading this have ever felt unhappy about the way someone close to you – either a family member, a friend, or even a partner – is treating you or has treated you in the past? Nothing sucks more than when a relationship or friendship is no longer what you had hoped or imagined it to be. Yeah, it’s shit, really shit.
I’ve had my fair share – maybe even more – of people who just do not deserve to be in my life. Full-stop. But that doesn’t mean it was easy for me to cut them out or drop them just like that. As much as I would love to say I immediately cut the cord with someone who was just take take take, I have to be honest and say, I didn’t. The thought of unfriending somebody in real life was daunting and definitely not as easy as clicking a button. If you feel stressed that you can’t let go of toxic people, don’t. Instead take comfort in the fact that even recognising somebody in your life is toxic, is a great feat in itself, and it’s the first step in taking control of the situation and your own feelings.
Walking away from relationships is never easy and it doesn’t get any easier even if you do it more than once. It’s even more difficult when you really care about the other person, but their actions are hurtful and they, on the other hand, are completely oblivious/don’t care. It’s important to remember that any and all relationships are a two way street. It is not okay if you are the one putting in all the effort, to receive nothing but emotional dumping, hurt and frustration in return – that is when you need to accept that you have to move on.
And that is just what I did when a close friend of mine – let’s call her Peach – was slowly drifting out of my life and I felt nothing but frustration from maintaining that friendship. Was it easy? Nope. But I refused to be treated as a fifth option for whenever Peach was feeling bored or in need of a pick me up. Even worse was that whenever I was going through a really rough time or had something amazing to celebrate, Peach was never around. Neither to offer support or to join me in my excitement. It took some time before I confronted the reality: that Peach was no longer a friend, and it hurt to accept that.
Since then, I have been more honest about my relationships and if I am feeling unrest, I’m open about it. Of course not every bad moment equals a toxic relationship, but there is no harm in looking out for the signs. Feeling emotionally exhausted from maintaining a relationship is a big sign that you’re in a toxic relationship. What exactly does that mean though? If you find that it’s always you making plans to do something, you’re being cancelled on regularly, and most importantly, if you can’t rely on someone to help you through the rough and to celebrate the good, it’s most likely that you’re in a toxic relationship.
If you feel like you are in a similar situation to mine, you don’t have to feel alone, as upsetting as it is, it’s a hugely common thing. In some instances, you don’t have to cut the person out of your life straight away, some things can be solved through an honest chat – try talking to the other person and see if you can iron out some issues. Air out your feelings and let the other person know how you are feeling. Make it know that it is not okay to be treated like a sub-friend.
However, if you feel like nothing is changing/will change, then you are under no obligation to continue on with that relationship. It’s important to remember that your mental health and general wellness is a lot more important than anything or anyone else. You have to care of you. And that is exactly why I won’t let toxic people stay in my life anymore – I want to take care of me. It’s 2019, let’s start saying goodbye to non-friend friends and anybody who puts you down.
If you’ve ever been in a toxic relationship, you will know what it’s like to deal with all the emotional hurt that comes from dealing with someone who makes you unhappy. If you are currently going through something like this, don’t be afraid of re-evaluating your relationships and definitely do not be afraid to edit your life relentlessly. Your relationships should not feel like a chore, and you definitely shouldn’t feel second best.